“This Whole Time” - a song about seeing things
The corner of my eyes, that’s where all the really unbelievable things like to stay.
Backstory
Another Covid song, when I had it in January 2022.
I feel like I got better at being alone the last couple of years, as I traditionally hate it. That said, being completely stuck in my house for a week had me spending hours just walking from one end of the house to the other, thinking, and annoying myself with my active imagination.
I began to image what it would be like to be on the road without a destination, no place behind or ahead to call home, and feeling like someone is always watching you. What would that start to do to your mind?
This song really fell into place when I heard a sound one night (I think it was maybe the wind flapping my doggy door), but I was convinced a human had snuck into my basement, and I checked it about 13 times throughout the night, carrying around a hammer and calling out “Whose there” in just my sleeping shorts (panties, boxers, whatever). Really heroic stuff you know.
Writing Process
I love the sound of taking a chord and then find the double stops higher to cascade back into the chord. I started with the E shape and vamped until I found a pattern that worked. It is a little similar to my songs “Gone” and “Keep On” as far as the finger pattern and layout.
The lyrics came quick, as in my mind I was following a burnt out truck driver, sure that someone is following him. So I basically just wrote down was happening as he traveled. The song took shape quickly after that.
I wanted a little more space in the song, so added the “mmms” to give the chords more room to breath. Originally I was playing pretty basic major and 7th chords, but when I was showing this one to Dan Socha he made some amazing suggestions on some chords changes. Switching the B7 to a Bmaj7 and not resolving a few things took this song to the next level.
Then during a band practice we got the idea adding an instrumental bridge that had a totally different rhythm. We copied one that Brendan was chunking on and then recorded a loose version of that (shared below).
Later in recording the song, I added the harmonica as a pad in that part and kept it very open and loose. To me that felt like a moment where the character in the story was starting to really go crazy or realize that he has been, and the final verse is him looking for something to snap him out of it. Fit’s perfect with the image of finding a dirty beer and a physical connection to ground him.
Notebook Page.
Jan, 2022
Lyrics
Been on the road for 40 days, been awake for 5
All I do is smoke and drive
In the rearview mirror, see the ghosts of change
They're chewing on my name
Maybe I’m just going crazy,
Or I’ve been there this whole time, mmhmm
Go on spin that lighter up, take another pull
Let’s pretend our tank is full
Roll them windows down, I can hear the song
All them voices hum along
Maybe I’m just going crazy,
Or I’ve been there this whole time, mmhmm
Pull in to another town, stop and find a drink
Something strong so I can think
You take me up your stairs, sheets stained and torn
A pair of eyes I could have sworn
Maybe I’m just going crazy,
Maybe I’m just going crazy,
Maybe I’m just going crazy,
Or I’ve been there this whole time, mmhmm