“Cry For Me” - a song about delusion
Recorded in Alaska just outside Anchorage. July 2024
Story Pairing
Here’s the thing… I know the guitar is a little out of tune… but it’s the only video I took while I was in Alaska, so I am sharing it. We don’t need to pretend that it’s perfect, but I think we can all agree that an imperfect moment can still be a perfect memory, right… can we?... (Ok, my laziness and lack of skill has been properly justified in the fantasy world that is my mind).
This is one of the oldest if not the oldest song I have in my catalog. I stopped playing it years ago because it was a remnant of a time when I wasn’t the musician that I wanted to be. When I first started playing out under my own name I was in an interesting state of mind. As a good chunk of you already know, I was part of band that broke up. In that band I played cajon and harmonica. Now that there is enough time in between for reflection, I can also confidently say that I played both of those instruments somewhat poorly. (That’s the perk of being a founding member and doing all the booking for a band I suppose… “slop forgiveness”). So back to the “interesting state of mind”. When that band broke up I felt like I had a lot to prove. I still wanted to play live shows more than anything, but I wasn’t good enough. Just plain and simple I wasn’t. I couldn’t really play guitar beyond a few chords, and I wasn’t good enough to be charging venues to hire me or listeners to buy tickets, not even close. That’s where delusion really came in handy. Pair that will a little bit of charm and what I think was people feeling sorry for me, and I got to play out again pretty quickly.
I’ve tried to always stay mindful of the fact that I entered the solo music scene as a very unpolished member and was given a place by copious amounts of grace on the part of venue owners and fans. I use that as a reminder to constantly be getting better, to try and make up for my late entry and as a sort of thank you to the people that have stuck with me since the beginning. Like a promise that I will always work on improving.
I say all this as it does pair with this song. The chorus talks about how I am moving on, not because I am asking for help or wanting to fill a void, but because it’s a justified desire to want to build back up “what was”, but on your own laurels. There is a massive part of me that loves being completely self reliant. That burns me plenty by being bad at letting others help me, but it has also saved me from disaster more times than I can count. It’s cold to shut people out, but up to a point, it’s nice to know that you can count on yourself to show up and make things happen.
There was a time where I felt like I was racing a shadow of what was. That shadow had a huge head start, and I had to work three times as hard to make up for the lost time. I also had a thought that if that shadow ever approached me to try and be partners, I needed to be good enough to tell it to get lost. I don’t think I will ever get to that place, the desire to always be improving isn’t going anywhere, but it’s always going to be a step behind where I want to be. That’s the dance of a musician. There is an ever shifting destination we want to get to and where we are is never the same place. It can sound like a disheartening chase, but it’s also what often keeps me excited to carry on. A little dose of defiant delusion goes a long way.
Song Structure
Chords:
Verse - C / C7 / F / C / G / C (goes to a C7 before chorus)
Chorus - F / C / F / G
Voice Memos
No Notebook Page
Written sometime in 2016 or 2017
Lyrics
Cry for me, you can Cry for me
Not a tear will fall for you
These crying eyes since drying eyes, started seeing through
You can pray, no matter what you say
Time has come and gone for change
The plans are made, the ground is laid, cannot rearrange
And I’m moving on, with my song and it’s just
Just a memory still, not a cry for help, about us
Walk away, you can walk away
I’ll no longer follow you
The days are gone, when I tag along, started traveling true
Break
And I’m moving on, with my song and it’s just
Just a memory still, not a cry for help, about us
Lay it down, you can lay it down
In a field with sun and shade
A single tree with my company, and the secrets we will trade
Cry for me, you can Cry for me
Not a tear will fall for you
These crying eyes since drying eyes, started seeing true